so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
