thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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