R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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