how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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