fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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