I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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