Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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