You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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