we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
