MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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