There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
