I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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