I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
God, I missed his penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
