I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
