shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
