see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
