if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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