I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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