u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
