I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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