just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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