Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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