i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
