dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
