winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
