Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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