I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
