90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
