before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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