i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
