no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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