Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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