Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
