I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just forgot I was standing up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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