i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize