i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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