Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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