I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my shit smells like andre
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
