i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
