I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
