I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
