Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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