I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
