You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
