I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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