look no pants
I need help removing her.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
