I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drake has all the answers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
