dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
