she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
