I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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