There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
