You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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