A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jerry, you need to find god
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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