Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
