All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
