Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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