ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
