i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
