Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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