You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
