Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
