Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
