I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
