Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
