Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
