I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm passing your future prison.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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